Breakups and Myopia

by - 22:56:00

Breakups and Myopia
Breakups and Myopia

“Break ups”- something almost all of us have experienced at least once in our lives. Ever wondered why it is called “break-up” of a relationship instead of having a proper name? Probably because it feels that way- something actually breaks inside and the more true you were to the relation, the WORSE will be the “break”. We all move on: some gets their questions answered, some don’t... This post is for all those who are going through this phase in life (in spite of being true to the relation) which is no better than hell, and to those who have ever been through break-up.

I am intentionally mentioning “for those who were true to the relation” because it is actually painful and unbearable to only that person. The ones who “casually cheated, later realised and felt sorry”, please look elsewhere, this post is not for you J

Most of us have gone through this terrible, heart wrenching experience from the “first love” of our lives, mostly at a very tender age. The age where we do not understand how the real world works and simply look upon that special person to “light up” the way for us, quite like a fairy tale. Things work perfectly for a few months or a few years (if you are unlucky enough) and then BOOM! Suddenly you find that person wrenched off your hands and moved ahead, or worse, held someone else’s hands now.
The castle crumbles down, the “worshiped” figure in your life suddenly becomes a human with all the flaws possible and you are suddenly left wondering how on EARTH will your days start or end without that familiar voice/texts from tomorrow?

We beg them to stay (all towers of self-respect gone to the dogs), we plead, we cry and we are ready to sacrifice anything just so that they “take us back” or stay. The feeling is almost similar when someone gags your mouth, covers your nose and gives repeated punches on your chest and tummy. Worse is when you know that the initial sympathy and support from near ones will slowly wean away- but there is no guarantee when the “EMPTY” feeling inside you would go for good (If at all it goes!)

I had gone through this feeling after 5 years of relationship with a person who suddenly ended it without giving any reason. I was just told that ‘I would gradually come to know why’. I remember my world toppling over. Especially because it was around the time when he finally bagged a job and was about to tell his family about us: So be assured, I totally know how it feels J I totally know that “everything happens for good”,”It will be ok”, “You will find someone better” etc kind of sentences do NOT register in your brain at all. Everything becomes fuzzy and you enter a stage of denial, pinching yourself every minute hoping the nightmare would end and he/she would come, pick you up and say “relax! It was just a nightmare”.

I have seen my best friends go through this hell and even now I see some of my near ones going through this phase. I was strolling on the PG rooftop and it made me wonder why is a heartbreak so difficult to deal with? I absent-mindedly took off my spectacles and looked around. The lighted silhouettes of the building around all seemed like beautiful fairylights (I am myopic, without glasses I see hazy images all around). They suddenly made me realise, our “first love” is almost similar. We embrace it with “myopic” sight! We happily ignore any signs of “practical” world, of probable or impending bitter moments ahead and we end up building a scene with fairylights. And then during “breakup” the spectacle is forcibly rammed on our faces J We have a different view and even though that view is ultimately far better, we are afraid to think of anything but that “fairylights scene” since we had been nurturing it since so long.

Funny part is, no matter how much impossible it seems, the intensity of that pain does lessen with time and you finally get to be with your true soulmate: The ‘imperfect’ person with whom you do not repeat the same mistakes you did with your “ex”, the ‘imperfect’ person who makes you feel perfect every moment and never takes you for granted, the person who finally makes you THANKFUL that things didn’t work out with your ex. It takes time, but that adorable idiot does come across your way J And your relationship with him/her is much more stable and loving because your breakup actually makes you love yourself (Something we conveniently chose to ignore in our former relationship because we ‘used up’ all our love for that person)

And while you are going through this hellish phase, or have been through this phase once in your life, remember these few points:
1. It is OKAY to feel hurt and think that no one will understand how are feeling right now
2. It is OKAY to take three months, three years or even more to overcome the pain. There is no ”stipulated time” for healing.
3. It is OKAY not to hate that person for treating you this bad because all your brain remembers are the good moments spent with them.
4. It is OKAY to feel sad sometimes thinking about the heart-wrenching period you went through even when your are happy with your soulmate now. Because we do feel sorry to have used up all our precious time and moments on the “wrong person” when the actual soulmate deserved it.
Good news is, those moments didn’t come in “ration” ;) It was what you had wanted then, and now is the time when you can create even better moments with your true soulmate. There is nothing to be sorry about, really! Embrace the present J

For those who are battling in the initial stage, my earnest plea to you all: I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. But please do not belittle yourself. It is hard, it is VERY hard. But this will pass too. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You don’t deserve it J You deserve the world. I could not believe I could ever love anyone else after my breakup, but after I met my actual soulmate (now hubby) I realised how wrong I was. This man made me fall head over heels in love with him and also makes me TRULY love myself each and every day! J  Yes, it takes even more than a year to wipe off the memory of that face, that voice, those letters- but it goes away beautifully J Without you having to try.
Buck up, hold tight and breathe.... very soon you will smile at these memories too J
With lots of love and hugs to each of you going through this phase,


Image source: Google images

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